My DH is finally back home to me, for good. I couldn't possibly convey here how ecstatic and relieved I am that he is home, 100% of the time to help raise our sweet girls. But I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried a little about DH.
You see, the truth is, his father, PAFIL actually laid him off. We weren't completely blind-sided, though. We suspected it since PAFIL was being very verbally abusive to DH and threatening him with his job on a weekly basis.
At first, PAFIL was pressuring us to purchase a home in his town, so that DH would stay. We found a few lovely homes and almost made an offer when DH suddenly got cold feet. Something just didn't feel right to him. Right about the time were ready to purchase a home, PAFIL started making comments that DH needed to take some time off to prepare for his Professional Engineering exam, an $800 exam that will give him a license to practice independently and to sign off on official forms and documents (in other words, PAFIL wants to charge a much higher rate for his work so he can make more money off of him). My DH doesn't feel that he will be ready to take the exam until later in 2012, once he's had plenty of time to prepare. After all, at that price, you don't want to have to take this one multiple times.
Did I mention that right after Christmas, when we were house-hunting, PAFIL decreased DH's salary by 42%? That is quite a large pay cut. His reasoning? He told DH that he decided he wasn't worth his pay, not until he has his Professional Engineering license. Most engineers take this exam a few years after they graduate. DH finished his degree one year ago.
After giving DH his layoff letter, PAFIL tells him "Hey buddy, don't take it personal, it's just business". A phrase that now has a particular scornfulness with my DH. He also claims that he will continue to pay for our childcare costs because he doesn't want DH to be keeping our girls and he wants him to study. Should we trust him that he will come through on his word? Doubtful. His word means nothing and he cannot be trusted. He expects DH to come back to the firm once he obtains his PE licence so that PAFIL can travel the world and leave DH in charge, at $47K annually with no benefits. No insurance, no retirement, no sick days or any paid time off of any kind. Sounds like a real deal, huh? Where can you sign me up?
My DH is somewhat broken after everything that has happened with his parents. He says he will never go back there, for anything, and I believe him. Perhaps with time and distance, he may someday be able to forgive them for everything, but for now, I am secretly enjoying not having to deal with their drama. DH says he's glad he couldn't find a job then so that he could go back to the firm and see his parents for who they really are so that he could feel confident about a clean break.
I know he is so hurt, but I can see years worth of baggage and heavy weight just lifted off of his back. He if fervently applying for another job. Let's hope he is successful!
Wishing the best for you in your job search DH, and hoping you will have peace with your parents.
About Me
- The Milky Chai Life
- This blog is written about my Indian/American culture-blended life. I am the American part of the equation and my darling hubby (DH)is the Indian (American born) part. We have two amazing and beautiful daughters who keep us constantly entertained and busy. I hope to post here about the things that I love; food, family, health, all things beautiful in this life and even a few things that are not so wonderful, like my in-laws. I refer to them as PIMIL (Psychotic Indian Mother-In-Law) and PAFIL (Passive Agressive Father-In-Law) here. There may even be an occasional posting from my DH here. Enjoy! You may also email me at themilkychailife@gmail.com
9 comments:
This is so sad that he and your family have had to go through this, my heart goes out to all of you. I've had to learn first hand just how awful my family members (what's left of them) are, and it is one difficult thing to accept when you realize they just don't care for your wellbeing like you care for them. Blessings to you and DH and the little ones, and good luck in the job hunt! There are more and more opportunities opening up for remote employees these days, so don't get discouraged if finding something in your local area is tough!
Sounds like a very tough way for your husband to learn how the land really lies between him and his father.
I hope this marks the beginning of a happier and more nourishing chapter in your lives :-)
you need to have atleast 3-4 years of expereince before you can take the PE Exam,. I took it twice.Its no fun sitting for 8 hours and taking a timed exam and even harder to study as a mom.
$47 K as a engineer seems low, but if he fresh out of school, it is reasonable. If he has 4-5 years experience its not.Also depends on the field on engineering.
I am sorry to hear things didn't work out for your husband with his family, but given the history it is probably best, even though very painful for him right now. I am glad to see that you have your family back together at least! Keep us updated. I have read your blog for a long time but never posted. I am also married to an Indian man, although he was born and raised in the UK. He has been estranged from his family for years, however the hurt is still there even after all this time. I wish you and your family the best of luck!
Everything happens for a reason. Now your DH will never doubt what it could have been... coz' he has seen whet it is.
Just support him and forget the family business it is not for everyone. IT IS JUST Business as PAFIL said.
Love to girls.
Peace,
Desi Girl
LOL,
classic ! always entertaining
I wish your husband the best of luck in his job search. I don't know what area of engineering he is in but there are a lot of good jobs at www.deepwater.com. It might be worth a look.
@Noelle, thank you for the encouragement. And you're right, I am almost hoping that a job opens up far away, I think a fresh start would be great for the four of us.
@xaspireonfirex, I agree, this was a very tough way for him to see who they really are. And thank you, a happier and more nourishing chapter is just what we all need!
@Anonymous, you're exactly right, it really is just too early for him to take the PE at this point, and maybe even October is too soon. I hear it is a rough exam. Based on DH's field and level of experience, $47K w/o benefits is really low and he would be the lowest paid Engineer from his class.
@lunarlady, thank you for commenting here and for reading my blog. We need all the support we can get. In a way, it is comforting to know we are not the only ones who have experienced estrangement due to a desi/gori union, but I am sad that you have also had to deal with that. This has been a very painful ordeal for us all, but I am hoping we can move on and put this behind us right now.
@Desi Girl, as always, thank you for your continued love, support and encouragement. I don't know what I would have done w/o it, or your awesome blog :-)
@Anonymous, I know, isn't it? I should write a book and entertain the world on this nonsense. At least I would get the last laugh.
@verycutest, thank you for commenting here and I mentioned the website, hubby had never heard of is so thank you so much and he will be utilizing it!
thats very sad. But look at the bright side, its maybe god's way of encouraging him to have better off deals else where.
all the best !
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